The thread title will change as soon as there's a good one....

The first test starts next week, and the England team have made a good start to their warm up matches with a dominating performance against St Kitts.

Providing we can keep the West Indies Indians quiet I'm going for an England whitewash 4-0.

Mostly Whites Vs Blacks ?

What was wrong with my truly inspired 'Rice & Peas v Knobbly Knees'

Pearls before swine I tell ya!

Red necks v Red stripe?

Needs a lot of work to be honest..

Curried Goat versus Gravy Boat.

It works on many levels, it's multi-layered if you will? and it's some shit that just ain't getting beaten!

Bloodclarts v Lionhearts?

Come on,it's good 'un innit?

Or

Reggae Sauce v HP Sauce?

Rhythm and Hips v Bag of Hot Chips

A shaky first session for us I thought,though the Sky presenter can't recall his name just a few minutes ago talking with Nick Knight and Bob Willlis came out with mind numbing appraisal of Strauss: 'Well Strauss got off to a good start....mm...nearly edged one into the slips very early on ,then got dropped in the slips then was caught for 7......well I suppose he did win the toss and managed to walk out to the crease without falling over,good job he didn't get off to a bad start..!
K.R.O.













God alive...this is really 'heavy going'...I know the pitch don't look the best,but England chose to bat and they are pushing, prodding and scratching about ...94 for 3 off 42 overs ....!!..that's enough now for a bit,might take a look a bit later..
K.R.O.

110/4 now with KP cruising on 41 along with Flintoff on 5 with a partnership of 13 off 44 balls. It's a slow painful trudge at the moment upon a strange and unfamiliar Jamaican wicket, it's slow, turning and has been raining for quite a while making it look more like a Headingley track than anything else?

Pietersens just hit a peach of a drive straight down the ground off the spinner on the up, I feel as though he could be our fulcrum, pivot point if you will? in this innings, which to be fair was missing from his game as skipper? 52 no for KP...

Shame KP got out for 97 but that is the way he plays the game I guess.

Hmmm, not the greatest of starts but the pitch looks lively enough for it to be a decent enough game.

Watch the WI boys make 600-2 dec now.

309 for 8 off 115 overs..modest.....still see how the Windes go with thier scoring rate when they bat.
K.R.O.

West Indies 42/1 and Harmy just had Ramnaresh Sarwan LBW which got referred and third umpire Daryl Harper has adjudged that the ball was going over the stumps and reversed the decision. Afterwards Hawk Eye (who is building a soaring reputation for predictions loike?) suggested that the ball would have clipped the bails? At the other end John Gayle has shown no intention of resting upon his Leyland Daf heroical laurels and he's taking the attack to England smacking a few boundaries, particularly off Harmison.

I think 317 was a decent knock by England on an indecisive wicket and no real foundation to build on after a top order collapse? I can see Strauss introducing Monty into the attack fairly soon before Gayle and Sarwan get nice and cozy with the fare being offered by Harmy and Broad?

They say great minds think alike? and on comes Monty for his first over and bowls a maiden over, apparently the maiden just adored his English accent?

Stuart Broad's getting tonked about like a tonka truck being tonked by a tonking tonka trucker in tonkington? Time for a bit of Freddie after tea methinks?

<---He agrees, and he's related to Hawk Eye...

West Indies have got off to a solid start and scoring faster than England (mind you who don't score quicker than England ??),could be a tough third day in the field for England !
K.R.O.

Mmmmmmmmmm Stuart Broad! Almost worth watching cricket for

And Ramnaresh Sarwan goes playing on a Flintoff delivery onto his own stumps leaving the Windies on 235/4 trailing by a mere 83 runs.

At the crease now is Brendan Nash who to my knowledge is the first white man to play for the West Indies? Perhaps Sid or Davekergoogle could fill in the blanks loike? Also Strauss has showed his inexperience by blowing all our referalls already? He wasted the last one on a Monty delivery that pitched about 10 miles outside the off stump turned and hit Sarwans pad, only a buffoon would have given it out, but he was too busy trying to decide who to play at right back against Burnley?

If only Chanderpaul wasn't in bat I'd feel like we're doing alright.

Not sure about Nash, Lobster, but I know his dad was a Jamaican swimmer. Alas, radio 4, and not google...

Chanderpaul leaves us for a palrty 20 runs and uses up a Windies referal to boot?

Apparently Nash's dad the Jamaican swimmer specialised in the laid-back stroke?

All credit to England for keeping the run rate well down ,if they have gone at three plus an over we would have allready been well over 100 odd behind and facing a sticky last two days,odds on a draw now unless we collapse drastically in the second innings.
K.R.O.

Yet another soft dismissal for our man, Bell. You've had enough chances, Ian, but now it's curtains, I'm afraid.

Especially if we draw?

Perhaps Belly is batting out of position? He is a beautiful batsman when he gets going but he seems to be putting a lot of pressure on himself, perhaps if he dropped down to four or five he might regain some of that flair and confidence?

12 for 3 now Pietersen getting clean bowled by a ball that swinged ever-so slightly and pitched up? We're in trouble, now we need Captain Strauss to lead by example and steady the ship....And in comes Collingwood

20 for 4.

Oh dear.

23 for 5

The pub is a calling methunks?

What odds on an innings defeat this morning?!

Unberuddyleivable.

At least one Jerome has done well today. 4/11 current figures.

23 for 6.

Jerome Taylor 5/11

You would have been laughed out of Ladbrokes, cackled out of Corals and whooped out of William Hills.

23 for 6...

26 for 7

HA

This is hilarious

Getting the Ashes back, i thinky not!

And we thought Blues were bad...!

What's the record for the lowest test innings ever? C'mon England let's break the record...

I hope we don't get over thirty

Puds used to say the same to his belly, but he was talking in stones loike?

I bet KP and Freddie are glad the auction in India took place before this shambles.

I think it's around 45.

Bearing in mind Panesar is yet to bat, we have a chance of a new record.

I know Taylor has been bowling really well, but why are the commentators yet to mention the fact Cook,Strauss,Bell and Collingwood are shite?

51 all out, congratulations lads!

Bet the Aussies are shitting themselves

For a team game played by individuals, and some damn good individuals at that (on their day), how on Earth is that possible?

Did you leave a load of ex-lax in the water supply whilst you were there?

Did you know BR, that I look exactly like Stuart Broad? Maybe a little younger.

What a shambolic pitiful spineless toss-pot performance,to say it was embarrissing would be kind to them ...!!
K.R.O.L

If memory serves, and sometimes it does when I ask it nicely? back in 1994 when we were all out for 46, the very next test match in Bridgetown Alec Stewart went and hit two centuries in both innings and I think we won that test by a healthy margin?

Nope, he hit ONE century in both innings, he was a little pedantic just like me.

Right, everything you post from now until the end of time had better be grammatically bloody perfect Pudding...I'm watching you

belex, twunt

2nd test day 1 abandoned as the pitch is unsafe.

Disgraceful

No cricket to watch this weekend then? Oh what a shame.

Half a days bastard holiday for nowt.

S'pose I can always buy the missus summat for Valentines now.

So what will happen then? Are they going to fix the pitch and just play four days? To be honest that's all the Windies need to beat us loike?